GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL..........
- Pick cat up and cradle in crook of left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb
on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while
holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
- Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force
jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
- Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
- Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible from below spouse’s
armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
- Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply
sticking plaster to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet.
- Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to
leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessertspoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
- Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check
records for date of last tetanus shot.
- Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into
fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
- Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.
Fetch heavy pruning gloves from shed. Force cat’s mouth open with small spanner.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
- Get spouse to drive you to hospital, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes
pill remnants from right eye. Stop by furniture shop on way home to order new table.
- Arrange for vet to make house call.
With thanks to the original author….
